I have
been in therapy for about four months now. Today my therapist asked me if
I felt like therapy was working or if I wanted to move on to another type
of therapy. Immediately I felt as though she must not think we are getting
anywhere. I have felt pretty good about our meetings and feel as though I
am slowly making progress. Do you think that my therapist is hinting at the
fact that she wishes to terminate therapy, or is it a standard procedure
for therapists to check in like she did?
You touch on an important issue when you talk about
psychotherapy being a slow process. And just so that you understand what
that process involves, I will repeat what I say throughout this website:
psychotherapy should help you achieve the ability to communicate with others
openly and
honestly. That
process takes a lot of hard—and sometimes
terrifying—work,
and you will have to overcome quite a few
unconscious conflicts
that tend to block the process.
Now, you give
a good clue as to what at least one of your conflicts may be. You wonder
if your psychotherapist is hinting about
terminating
treatment. Well, you need to overcome your tendency to feel discouraged
by “hints” and you need to learn how to ask direct questions when
you feel uncertain about another person’s motives.
So, whenever
you get into a place where you say, “I felt as though she must not
think . . . ,” your task is to recognize that feeling
of discomfort and then do something about it by asking her directly what
she is thinking.
Most likely,
this sort of direct questioning will feel awkward and risky because it
contradicts all of your previously learned
defenses to protect
yourself from emotional vulnerability. But isn’t the whole point of
psychotherapy to change previously learned ways of protecting yourself from
emotional vulnerability? So, instead of just passively wondering about what
others are thinking, take the initiative and check in with them
yourself.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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