I have
been in psychotherapy for 8 months after a gap of about 8 years. I seem to
be moving on so much quicker this time and with a real determination to use
the therapeutic process honestly. I recently became aware of my sexual feelings
for my therapist, and before discussing this with him, decided to explore
the issue myself. Consequently this caused a huge shift in me and I had what
I guess may be called a “breakthrough crisis,” all very painful
but so amazingly insightful. What I don’t fully understand now, is why
my sexual feelings for him have not abated. I know my need for him is based
on my unfulfilled infant needs, but how does the process of transference
resolve?
Look at it like this. As a child, you couldn’t talk
to your parents about your needs they didn’t fulfill. That’s obvious.
So, what do you do as an adult who feels all the frustration about unfulfilled
needs? Well, you have to talk to your psychotherapist, and, as odd as it
sounds, you have to talk to him about needs he can’t fulfill either.
But, unlike with your parents, with whom you couldn’t talk about your
feelings, when you do talk to your psychotherapist, even though your
needs don’t get fulfilled, you come to understand all your
emotions about your needs not being fulfilled. That’s
the psychotherapeutic process in a nutshell.
Understanding
this, you can then see that all those erotic
feelings you have are the “natural” way to avoid dealing
with your painful emotions by pretending the needs are fulfilled.
So, in the end, these sexual feelings don’t do anything for you except
keep you stuck in
unconscious
frustration.
Now, you seem
to have discovered this fact on your own, without saying a thing about it
to your psychotherapist.
But even if you
have discovered this fact intellectually, the mere
knowledge of it
doesn’t resolve the unconscious desire. Only by speaking about
your feelings and desires within the psychotherapy will you be able to face
your deepest pain
honestly and let
the light and air get to it, where it can heal.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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