I have
been in individual and couples therapy for close to two and half years. I
(and my partner as well) feel like we would like to terminate the relationship
for a number of reasons. Can you provide some guidelines as to what and how
is the best way to communicate this desire? I don’t want to get into
some battle or confrontation or upset her.
We can get to the answer to your question by asking another
question. Why does anyone go into psychotherapy and couples counseling in
the first place? Well, it should be to learn how to encounter life with emotional
genuineness and honesty so that all of your relationships can be open and
clean.
Most of us are
held back from such
honesty by
unconscious
conflicts—usually deriving from childhood emotional wounds—about
resentment and
anger; we fear that
if we do allow ourselves to be open and honest with someone, all of that
hidden resentment will erupt to the surface like a volcano and we will end
up in some sort of battle or confrontation. So, out of pure
fear, we end up using
all sorts of
perversions to
distract us from—and to avoid—the real issue: the dark and
ugly side of our
unconscious.
Now, the sad
thing in your case is that, despite having been in treatment for two and
a half years, you are still terrified that emotional honesty will lead to
“battle and confrontation.” Clearly, something has been missed
in your psychotherapy. Instead of
terminating, you
might consider getting to the real issues about the unconscious resentment
you have been avoiding all your life—and are avoiding even now in
psychotherapy.
Unfortunately,
you also have a “partner” who is being shown here as a “partner
in perversion,” encouraging you to avoid the real issues. Most likely,
this person is primarily concerned about protecting his or her own self-interests
and is terrified that if you do encounter your real issues in psychotherapy
you will develop some self-confidence, see perversion for what it is, and
will then end an emotionally stifling “partnership.”
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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