Questions and Answers

If your sexual identity is all wrapped up in masochistic fantasies, does that mean that even working through issues of abuse, that that will always be there? I just wondered if, in your experience, that is the case. I have voiced these feelings to my therapist, but she declined to answer. I am deeply ashamed of these tendencies and couldn’t bear it if it was always there.   I can’t understand why your psychotherapist would not answer such an important question. The fact is that masochistic sexual tendencies are usually a psychological defense against childhood emotional pain. It’s an odd thing, but it tends to derive from the concept that people who are afraid of bad things happening to them often make bad things happen to them so they can feel in control of when and how the bad things happen. Of course, this solution does nothing to actually help you heal those old wounds; it only covers them over so you can pretend they don’t exist. But as you come to understand—and heal—your pain in psychotherapy, then, your masochism will dissipate. That is, when you can face life directly and honestly, you won’t need illusions about sexuality to shield you from life’s harsh reality. Granted, I’m not being “politically correct” here, but the unconscious cares nothing for the political. If we don’t admit to the pain and trauma of our lives, then it will fester as a subversive unconscious influence on us, and it will leak out in fantasies, no matter how much we might be pressured by others to claim that such fantasies are “normal.”    Back to the list of questions

No advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . . DID MY WORK help you? Have you found insight into your behavior? Have you found information unlike anywhere else? Then why not make a Quick & Easy donation to this freewill website to express your gratitude for my labor in creating something substantial, something that can change your life for the better? Huh? Donations? Freewill website? What’s this about?   A Guide to Psychology and its Practice www.GuideToPsychology.com   Copyright © 1997-2007 Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. All rights reserved. San Francisco, California USA This website provides a vast amount of free information about the practice of Clinical Psychology. On the Introduction page, you can discover the website’s purpose and philosophy. Browse through the Subject Index, or Search the entire website for a word or phrase. Use the Feedback Form to send comments. And, if my work has been informative and helpful, send a freewill donation to help offset my costs in making this website available to everyone without charge.